


A Tether That Binds Two Souls

by isnt_that_wizard



Series: Shadowhunter Shorts [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lighwood Needs a Hug, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotherly Love, Depressed Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Codas, Episode: s01e12 Malec, Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, Episode: s02e08 Love is a Devil, Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Episode: s02e20 Beside Still Water, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, I just needed more good parabatai Jace, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jace and Alec talk through issues, Panic Attacks, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, and Jace gives him some, but it mostly focuses on the sadness, like at all, not particularly happy, there's comfort at the end of each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-01-11 17:31:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18428774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnt_that_wizard/pseuds/isnt_that_wizard
Summary: At the root of it all, Jace knew. He knew what people saw and thought, and he knew that there was truth to it. Alec Lightwood was the best choice of parabatai he could have ever made. They were brothers, friends, and partners. Still, Jace knew. He knew he was selfish, that he took Alec for granted, asking him for everything and everything but rarely giving back.Despite all of that, Jace also knew that Alec needed him just as much as he needed Alec. They relied on each other, connected by emotions, strength, and soul. He knew when Alec was injured or hurting, when he was so sad he couldn't think straight, when he was stressed, sleep deprived, and angry, and when he was so happy he could light up a room.Jace may be selfish and ask Alec for too much, but when Alec needed him, there was nothing that could stop Jace from coming running, giving everything to help his brother.________A series of moments during the show in which Jace is there for Alec when his brother needs him.





	1. Prelude

At the root of it all, Jace knew. He knew what people saw and thought, and he knew that there was truth to it. Alec Lightwood was the best choice of parabatai he could have ever made. They were brothers, friends, and partners. Still, Jace knew. He knew he was selfish, that he took Alec for granted, asking him for everything and everything but rarely giving back.

 

It wasn't to say that he didn't care for him brother- of _course_ he did. He loved Alec with everything he had, needed him by his side more than almost anything in the world. He knew that because of their bond- not to mention when they were younger and Alec had feelings for him- that Alec could rarely refuse helping him. Jace took advantage of that, he knew, whenever he asked Alec to just trust him without explanation, or to do something he knew Alec wouldn't like. Frankly, at this point, Jace just _assumed_ Alec would be there for him. He knew it was selfish.

 

Despite all of that, Jace also knew that Alec needed him just as much as he needed Alec. They relied on each other, connected by emotions, strength, and soul. He knew when Alec was injured or hurting, when he was so sad he couldn't think straight, when he was stressed, sleep deprived, and angry, and when he was so happy he could light up a room. It may be that Alec was the one often dropping everything to go help Jace at a moment's notice, it may be Jace the one asking for help on a usual, constant basis, but that didn't mean that it was one-sided.

 

Jace may be selfish and ask Alec for too much, but when Alec needed him, there was nothing that could stop Jace from coming running, giving everything to help his brother.


	2. A Wedding Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after the events of the wedding in season 1 episode 12, Malec.

Jace had been so focused on himself, so focused on Clary, that he hadn't given enough attention to his family. His and Alec's bond had weakened, and Jace had practically let it. If Izzy hadn't finally forced them to talk, the bond could have broken. If he had been thinking about someone other than Clary, maybe they wouldn't be in this position. Maybe he could've talked Alec out of his insane wedding, maybe they wouldn't be here now.

 

Alec's almost-wedding was over. It was late, after Magnus and Clary had figured out how to get the Book of the White, and Jace was still in his tux. He'd shed his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt a bit. Earlier, at the wedding, Jace had felt confusion, nerves, then immense content and _finally,_ for the first time in a long time, happiness radiating off his brother. Now, despite the hours having passed, he could still feel that newborn happiness. 

 

It made Jace smile, though it faded from his face quickly. Burying that happiness was an overwhelming sense of stress and panic. Part of it was unusual; Alec had spent their entire time as parabatai blocking most of his feelings from him. Panic, however, was something Alec had never been able to hide from him. Since they were teenagers, Jace had felt every anxious moment, every panic attack his brother had. Every time he felt it oozing into his own emotions, he knew he had to find Alec; no one, not even Izzy, was as good as he was at calming Alec down.

 

So Jace made his way through the Institute, looking for his parabatai. He found him in his bedroom, and Jace walked in, opening the door without knocking. Alec was still in his dress shirt and pants as well, pacing across his room and rubbing his hands together in a way that he always did when anxious. Jace had tried to pull him from the habit- Alec had once rubbed them so raw that it had hurt him to pick up his bow- but he'd never succeeded. Alec stopped his pacing when he noticed Jace, but the older wouldn't quite meet his eyes.

 

"What are you doing here?" Alec asked, his voice quiet and meek.

 

"You needed me."

 

Jace could see Alec's lips twitch up just slightly. They went through the same routine every time, always using those two phrases.

 

Jace nodded towards the bed as a signal for his brother to sit. As they both sank into the bed, Alec let out a sigh and looked down to the ground, hands squeezing and rubbing. Jace looked to his brother's face, finding it radiating turmoil.

 

Not quite sure what to say, Jace went with, "So where's Magnus?"

 

Jace felt a spike of joy from his brother at the mention of the warlock. Alec smiled and Jace couldn't help but match it. Alec's smile was shortlived, however, and he soon came back to his panic.

 

"He's, um, he's with Clary."

 

Jace nodded. "So why are you here?"

 

Alec let out a shuddering sigh, whispering, "I talked to mom and dad."

 

Jace winced, placing his hand on his brother's shoulder. Shadowhunters had never been accepting people. Alec coming out in such a public, loud fashion could be his falling on his sword, especially in the watchful eyes of their parents.

 

"Shit, Alec. . . did they. . ?"

 

Alec brought his hands to his face, trying to hide his shaking breaths. When he pulled them away a minute later, Jace could see his eyes shining and his hands went right back to rubbing together, this time harsher, twisting and punching his skin.

 

"Dad, he didn't. . . Damnit, Jace, he barely said a word to me. You know that's so much worse."

 

Jace looked down, pursing his lips. He did know. When Robert was yelling or ranting a lecture, he was heated and upset, but all the kids had known he'd be over it soon. It was the hard stare, the quiet, deep voice that let you know that he was truly disappointed or angry. The silence that would come from Robert was far more deafening than yelling would be. Jace had experienced Michael- _Valentine-_ and Robert's anger, and Jace loath to admit that both had always cut him deep.

 

"He said he didn't understand it. He looked straight at Magnus and said that."

 

Jace clenched his jaw. For Robert to tell his children that he didn't understand something was to pass harsh, negative judgement on their lives in the most passive aggressive way he could. It was the deepest cut he could give. Jace had been on the receiving end of that phrase many times, and Izzy had when their parents found out about her relationship with the Seelies. He didn't think Alec had _ever_ had it thrown in his face.

 

"And mom. . ." Alec's voice broke, and he sucked in a breath. Jace could feel the panic from his brother rising. If only so he couldn't hurt himself, Jace took his hand from Alec's shoulder to grip one of his brother's. Alec clutched back, the other now running up and down his pant leg at a quick pace. Jace sighed at the sight but conceded it; he'd rather have that than Alec destroying his own skin.

 

"Mom kept talking about how I embarrassed her and how I gave the Lightwoods even more of a bad name. God, Jace, it was like she told me I'd thrown my entire life away and the look she gave Magnus. . ."

 

Jace could hear a small sob escape from his brother and the hand that had been on his pant leg came up so it covered Alec's eyes as he leaned forward and let tears fall.

 

"If you had seen them, Jace. . . the looks the gave. . . I could see Magnus trying to ignore it, shrinking himself down in the corner. . . God, Jace, they hate me. They hate me."

 

Alec had his face buried in both hands now as he cried, and Jace brought his arm around his parabatai's shoulder so he fell into his chest. He held him tightly in a hug, the overwhelming emotion and sounds of crying giving Jace's eyes his own tears to silently cry. It was rare that Alec let himself break down, let alone in front of somebody. He'd always been the strongest of them.

 

"It's okay, Alec. . . You're okay," the blond whispered to his brother. "Mom doesn't hate you. She never could. She loves you so much. She's just. . . the Clave and dad put so much pressure on her that she just doesn't. . . Alec, she'll get over it. You have to know that. Mom will always love you, Alec. Even if she's upset now, even if she doesn't approve, nothing will change that."

 

The words of reassurance weren't just to comfort his brother; he knew they were true. And he didn't want to justify Maryse's reaction; how the _hell_ could she say those things to Alec? He had _always_ been the one to make the family look good, look strong, while Jace and Izzy did their own thing without thought of consequence. But no matter how upset Maryse could get, Alec was her son, her pride and joy, and she could never truly turn her back on him.

 

Alec nodded in his arms, the tears subsiding. Rubbing his eyes clear of water, Alec asked in a raspy, broken voice, "And dad?"

 

Jace's silence was answer enough. Alec sobbed again and Jace closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. Robert was someome who could never escape his core values as a Shadowhunter and his duty to the Clave. He couldn't seperate himself from them long enough to ever truly be a father, except maybe to Izzy. He had forced Alec to grow up so early, to be the father he was supposed to be to Izzy and Max. Robert was a traditionalist at heart, and Jace was afraid for his brother that he might never accept who Alec was.

 

Jace held him maybe five minutes more before his tears had turned silent and finally stopped. Alec sat up, hands falling limply into his lap and his eyes blank and he stared at the wall.

 

"You can't tell Izzy or Magnus about this," he whispered, "They can't see me like this. Especially Magnus. I don't want him to think that I regret this, regret him."

 

Jace nodded once; Alec hated being vulnerable. The only reason he ever was with him was because he couldn't exactly avoid it. Not when they could sense each other every moment of every day.

 

After a few minutes' silence, Jace said, "I'm proud of you, Alec."

 

For the first time since Jace came in, Alec looked at him. His eyes were puffy and red and unbelievably wide at Jace's statement. Jace smiled at him.

 

"I'm proud of you, Alec. I really am. To see you make that decision, standing up to mom and the Clave. . . You were more yourself today than I think you've let yourself be in a long time."

 

Alec looked down at the ground. "I know I've been distant for a long time, Jace. . . I'm sorry."

 

Jace shook his head, frowning, "No, Alec. Don't apologize. You were going through a lot, and I didn't exactly make it easy for you, especially lately. _I'm_ sorry. . . I felt how happy you were today when you kissed him. I don't think I've ever felt you like that. I'm so sorry for everything you've been going through and that I wasn't there to help you. I love you, parabatai, and no matter what happens with mom and dad or with Magnus, I'm staying by your side."

 

Alec finally, for the first time Jace had seen in a long time, smiled. It wasn't his diplomatic one, wasn't dripping with sarcasm, wasn't right or forced. Alec gave him a genuine smile, and Jace felt the panic dispersing, replaced finally by calm.

 

"I love you, too, Jace. Thank you."


	3. Aught But Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of season 2 episode 3, Parabatai Lost and season 2 episode 4, Day of Wrath

They were sat in either side of Izzy's infirmary bed, watching over her as she slept. Jace hadn't changed, still in his filthy white, ripped shirt, his blond hair a mess and cuts on his face. When he glanced down to where Alec's hands rested on the bed, he saw the red skin on one as he repeatedly twisted and pinched it. Jace didn't need to be told why. News spread quickly around the Institute, and when he was following his siblings as Alec carried Izzy to be healed, he could hear all the whispers.

 

Alec had killed Jocelyn.

 

Well, the demon had. But it had used his brother to do it. Jace wasn't sure how to feel about her death. He wasn't sure he _wanted_ to know how he felt. To be here, sitting across from his parabatai, their sister between them was the calmest he had felt in _days._ He just needed to be here, finally close to Alec, letting everything else melt away. With a deep breath, Jace stood up, moving his chair around the bed and placing it as close to Alec's as he could.

 

He still looked as pale and exhausted as Jace had last seen him, when he was being dragged away by Aldretree. As Jace sat, and his brother, who had been painfully silent since arriving in the infirmary, needed no more signal than that. He collapsed into Jace's shoulder, going limp against him. Jace rested his head on top of Alec's, letting the feeling of finally being back together washing over him with calm and content. It wasn't often that they felt the need to be touching each other anymore; it had been so much worse when they were young. When they'd first become parabatai, they didn't know how to handle being seperated. They'd lost count of how many times Izzy or Maryse had found them curled up together in the same bed, hands over each other's parabatai runes.

 

The separation they had just faced, going from Valentine to Alec almost dying to the City of Bones and demom posession, meant they hadn't been able to take a moment. Having Alec right here, Jace could practically feel their souls mending back together.

 

"I thought I lost you."

 

Alec's voice was so quiet that Jace almost hadn't heard it. If it hadn't been the only noise in the room, he suspected that he would have. Jace wasn't sure what to say, or if Alec was even looking for an answer. He didn't reply, and a minute later, Alec continued.

 

"I didn't know where you were, I couldn't even feel you. There was just this void. I had no idea what to do. I was yelling at Magnus and snapping at Iz. . ."

 

Jace swallowed hard. He hates what Alec's been going through because of him.

 

"It was hurting me, too, Alec. I couldn't feel you, either, and then to get back and find you basically in a _coma._ . . I thought you were gone. I don't think anything has ever hurt as much as that did."

 

Alec's breath was deep and shaky. He could feel Alec's hand come up to lightly touch where his rune lives. Jace matched the movement. Jace abruptly sat up straighter and he felt Alec do the same as this spark ran between them, like a jolt of electricity. It was like a rejuvenation, like their souls were officially part of each other again.

 

Tension left Alec's body like waves escaping a hurricane. Jace sighed with relaxation. Their bond, which had come so close to breaking multiple times, was repaired. He knew they'd both been going through so much lately, ever since Clary walked into their lives, but he couldn't believe how weak the bond had gotten. When they'd met, when Jace was grief stricken to the point he wasn't sure how to function and refusing to admit it, Alec had been the first to call him on his bullshit. He had been there for Jace, supporting him since day one.

 

For so long, they'd been each other's rocks. Now, with Clary and Magnus making their way into permanence, that might change. They may not always look to each other for comfort anymore, but Jace could physically feel the bond between them strengthening. He knew that the feeling meant that even if someone else was their rock, they would still be each other's foundation.

 

Rather than say anything more- he knew Alec didn't really need to talk right now, especially not while he was worried about Izzy- Jace put his arm around his older brother's shoulder and took deep breaths. He was back. He was home from the torturous ship of Valentine, home from his dark and damp cell in the City of Bones. He had Izzy and Alec, and they had him.

 

They would be okay.


	4. I Promise I Won't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of season 2 episode 8, Love is a Devil

Jace and Alec stood together, both in their conditioned parade rest stance, watching Maryse leave. The news that Robert was cheating on her made Jace's blood boil. No matter what icy emotions she pushed on them or what Clave orders she forced herself to carry out, she was still their _mom._ She had held them when they cried, always gave their injuries a kiss along with their iratze- even when they had become teens- and comforted them when they woke from nightmares.

 

He could feel Alec's tension as he watched the elevator doors their mother had disappeared into, his eyes sad and hard. Unlike Jace, Alec had spent his entire life with Robert. He was his father, no way around it. A father who'd always put far too much pressure on Alec's shoulders and never showed enough love. If the news was hurting Jace, it must be killing Alec. He was sure that at some point, when it was late into night, he'd find Alec in the training rooms, beating a punching bag and his knuckles within an inch of their lives, pretending it was his father's face. Jace would force him to stop, wrap up his bleeding hands, and they'd sit in silence, both fuming over the same thing but respecting Maryse's wishes to leave it be. They wouldn't talk about it.

 

However, what they _would_ talk about, whether Alec liked it or not, was what else was going on in his brother's head. Beneath the layer of anger at Robert, the worry for their mom, Alec was nervous, tense, and sad. He had been since Max's party last night, when he'd woken on the balcony from the slumber Magnus had put him in, surrounded by his friends and family, all of them knowing exactly what had happened to him. Alec had been trying to put on a brave face all day, smiling for Max and not meeting Clary's eyes. But Jace knew his brother. He was struggling.

 

As Alec turned around to walk away, Jace knew that he would have to catch his brother now if they were going to talk about this. He caught Alec's arm, pulling him back a step.

 

"Hey," Jace said in a low voice. Alec raised an eyebrow at him, but his eyes told Jace that Alec knew exactly what was about to happen.

 

"Alec, you can't just let this go."

 

"Let what go?" Alec said, playing stupid.

 

Jace let out a sigh, giving the older a hard look.

 

"You can't act like last night never happened."

 

Alec made a weak, high pitched sound in his throat at the mention of it, looking down to the ground and letting his arm go limp in Jace's grip where he'd been trying to pull away.

 

Still looking down, a whisper came out of Alec, saying, "Yes, I can, Jace. . . it was just. It was just the magic."

 

"Bullshit."

 

Alec looked up at him, almost surprised at Jace's statement. Jace let his face fall into a more gentle look. 

 

"Alec, you can't just. . . talk to me like I'm other people. You can't lie to me, you know that. I know you as well as- maybe even better than I know myself. You need to talk about it because the more you bottle shit up, the more likely something like last night is to happen. You _need_ to go talk about it, and since you won't with Izzy and will avoid it with Magnus, you're stuck talking to me."

 

Alec let out a sigh, nodding once without meeting Jace's eyes, and began walking away. It wasn't to avoid the conversation this time, Jace knew, but for privacy. He followed Alec through the Institute until the reached a small, hidden alcove of the roof. They'd discovered it when they were kids, and as far as they knew, no one else knew it existed, not even Izzy. They'd come up here whenever they needed an escape. It made Jace a little bit nervous to see his brother up here, walking towards the edge of the roof. He had been able to see clearly last night where Magnus had been bringing him down from. Alec had jumped, and there was no way to pretend he hadn't. Now they were on a roof where Alec could just as easily repeat his actions.

 

Jace must not have done a very good job of hiding his nerves, because Alec took a sudden step back, despite being three feet away from the roof's edge, and said, "I've never wanted to kill myself, Jace."

 

His voice was quiet, sad sounding. Alec had his back facing Jace, so he could see it but was sure that if he did the look in his brother's eyes would just make him sad. Jace swallowed and let out a breath.

 

"I. . . I know that, Alec. I think I do, at least. But you've. . . you've always had anxiety. You've been depressed since we became teenagers. I've healed bruises, I've bandaged cuts and bloody knuckles, I've had to physically pull your bow out of your hands because you don't know when to stop or because you just don't want to. You use pain as a punishment that you think you deserve."

 

Alec was still, completely. Jace had taken a few steps forward, though not close enough to even touch Alec.

 

"I've seen it a thousand times, but you never say anything. You and I both know that magic didn't come from nowhere, that it wasn't the only thing that put you on that ledge-" Alec flinched "-and I need you to admit that. Even if we never talk about it again, just this once, you need to admit to me, to _yourself,_ that something's wrong, Alec."

 

As a shuddering breath sounded out, Jace watched his brother's resolve begin cracking, his defenses falling. Alec walked to the wall next to the door they'd come out of, and his brother slid down the wall, practically hugging his legs to himself. Alec was tall and muscled, but the position made him seem so much smaller than he was. Jace sat down next to him on the cold concrete. Their shoulders touched, and Alec seemed to lean into it a little.

 

"You're right," Alec whispered, still not looking at Jace. "I would never actually do it- I promise that part really was the magic- but. . ."

 

"But you've thought about it."

 

There was no question to it. Jace knew he had. Alec tried to hide a lot of his feelings from Jace, but there were some he never could.

 

Alec gave a singular, shallow nod.

 

"I did. Once. But I couldn't. Not when you, Izzy, and Max were waiting at home. I haven't thought about it since, no matter how much I hated myself or wanted to just _finally_ get away from it all. I never talked to you about it because I guess I didn't want you to see me as weak or regret making me your parabatai."

 

Jace would _never_ regret binding his soul to Alec's. Never.

 

"At lately, it's been- I _thought_ it was- getting better. Magnus makes me happy, so happy. I never thought I could feel like myself, have a boyfriend. I gave up on the idea of happiness a long time ago and with him it's finally back. I thought he was making it better."

 

"Relapsing, especially because of something you can't control, doesn't mean it's not getting better, Alec. It just means you're making progress. Two steps forward, one step back. . . it's still a step forward. Just remember that me, Iz, Magnus, and even Clary, we're always gonna be here for you, Alec. Don't shut us out, no more bottling it up until you explode. We want to help you."

 

Alec nodded again, letting or out a quiet, "Thank you."

 

Jace could feel that Alec felt lighter, though the tensions hadn't quite left their bond. The parabatai sat their, silent, until Izzy texted them both to tell them that Max and Maryse were heading back to Idris and wanted to say goodbye. As they reached the rest of their family, Jace could see that though Alec looked physically exhausted, emotionally drained, and in dire need of a nap, the smile on his face was entirely genuine, nothing hiding behind it, for the first time since last night. 


	5. I Miss Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of season 2 episode 18, Awake, Arise, or Be Forever Fallen

 

Jace felt as though he could drown in the emotions flowing through him, all far too heightened to keep stable. His chest was tight, like he couldn't possibly catch his breath. He felt shaky, and the need to cry seemed so overwhelming. At the core of it all, like a bell ringing to sound an alarm, was devastation. Jace wasn't sure what was happening to him; he was _fine._ There was nothing going on with him- not right now at least. As he took in the slew of emotion, he realized in the next moment what was wrong.

 

 

Alec.

 

 

Something was wrong with Alec.

 

 

Jace searched through the bond, trying to figure out what it was. It didn't make sense; they had just found out that Max was going to be okay and earlier they had shared happiness flowing between them from the relief and love for their little brother. But there was something wrong, something so wrong that Alec wasn't even trying to block it from him.

 

 

Jace went off searching for him, stopping outside his office door. When he walked in, Alec was sitting against the side of his desk, facing the door with his knees pulled up and his face buried in his hands. It looked to Jace as though his brother hadn't been able to go any farther into the room before collapsing. Alec was sobbing, his full body shaking and rocking as he did. His crying was loud and staccato as he attempted to breath through the tears. Jace had never seen his brother cry so hard, so much. He looked utterly broken, and Jace's heart twisted at the sight.

 

 

He leaned down in front of his brother after shutting the door again. Jace rested his hand on Alec's knee, but he wasn't sure his brother even realized he was there.

 

 

"Alec?"

 

 

Alec took a deep breath, then ran his hands through his hair, pulling at it. Being able to see Alec's face caused a pang in Jace's chest. It was red, splotchy, eyes red, and cheeks streaked with tears. Jace could tell that Alec was trying to force his tears to subside. His hands buried in his hair, Alec looked down into his lap. Choking on his sobs, the tears now came silently. After a minute of no sound in the room, Alec spoke in a voice so quiet it wasn't even a whisper.

 

 

"He broke up with me."

 

 

Jace felt his entire body go still, blood running cold.

 

 

"He _what?_ "

 

 

Alec let a small sob escaped his throat as his hands tightened around his hair and he shut his eyes tightly.

 

 

"Magnus, he- . . . _God,_ Jace, he said- he said that he couldn't have both me and High Warlock. He wasn't even willing to try and figure it out, he wouldn't let me help. . .  he told me he loved me, and then broke up with me."

 

 

Jace squeezed Alec's knee in comfort.

 

 

"Why did he have to say that? He knew he was gonna break up with me, and he still said it. He didn't have to say it back."

 

 

Alec's voice was broken, pitch cracking in and out of its normal pitch. Jace didn't know what to say. He was angry at Magnus. Angry that he told Alec he loved him and then left him, angry that he'd been his brother's first and had made him so happy, angry because Alec loved him _so much,_ and Magnus had looked Jace in the eyes and said he wouldn't hurt him. He was so angry he could beat Magnus Bane black and blue, High Warlock or not.

 

 

But Alec didn't need to hear that. He didn't need Jace to say he was sorry for him- Alec _hated_ pity- he didn't need him to tell him it was going to be okay, or to input his own opinion. He didn't need to talk through it and get over it. He needed to cry and be devastated, and above everything else, Alec needed Magnus. But that wasn't an option anymore. It wasn't an option because the centuries old warlock, after spending weeks making Alec happier than Jace had ever seen him, had just broken his brother's heart.

 

 

Not that Jace would ever admit it, but seeing Alec like this, feeling everything going through his brother's head and heart, made a few silent tears spill from Jace's eyes.

 

 

Jace was unable to give Alec what he needed right now, but it didn't mean he couldn't still be there and try to help best he could. So Jace moved to sit next to Alec, close to him but only touching as their elbows rubbed together and the outer edge of Alec's shoe rested against his own. He could give Alec this. Sitting here with him as he broke down and cried for everything he'd just lost. Nephilim only truly, deeply loved once, and Jace knew Magnus was it for Alec. If Alec didn't get him back, Jace didn't know if his brother would ever be the same.

 

 

Eventually, when Alec's eyes were too sore and too dry to let any more tears fall, exhaustion began filling their bond. It had been a long day. They'd sat with their family for hours as they awaited the fate of their precious little brother, fumed about who'd hurt him, Jace, Izzy, and Alec all making a silent vow that no one would ever touch Max again, and then just as the day was shaping up, as Max recovered, there was this. Alec had been running on fumes anyway, and now he was about to shut down completely.

 

 

Before he could, Jace got to his feet and pulled Alec with him. His brother went silently, not even offering up a question of what Jace was doing as the younger Shadowhunter dragged his brother through the Institute until they reached Jace's bedroom. Alec's eyes were blank and lost, his voice silent, but he listened as Jace handed him a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, telling him to change. After Alec had, Jace gently manhandled his brother into the bed, tucking the covers up to his shoulders as Alec melted into the pillow and slowly drifted to sleep. Jace changed himself before sitting on the other side of the bed, reaching for his phone.

 

 

Jace sent a text to Izzy that in the morning Alec would need an entire kettle full of hot chocolate and a large stack of pancakes. It had been the three siblings' remedy for sadness since they were kids, though it was usually Alec who was making it. Tomorrow, however, it would be their job.

 

 

As Jace sank down in the bed to rest against his own pillow. As he did, he could hear the deep, slowed breaths Alec was taking. It sounded back to normal, making Jace smile a little. Alec wasn't doing well, he wasn't okay, but this was progress.

 

 

Just as he'd thought Alec was finally asleep, he heard, "I miss him, Jace."

 

 

Jace reached over, smoothing down Alec's hair.

 

 

"I know you do, Alec. But go to sleep, okay? We'll deal with it in the morning."

 

 

Alec nodded, a spike of gratefulness ran through their bond, and then Alec was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how long it will be before I post another chapter. I have one idea left for season 2 that I'll try to get written and then a few for season 3, but I want to wait until I see how 3b finishes playing out before starting them.


	6. A Much Needed Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of season 2 episode 20, Beside Still Water

>  

There was an odd feeling flowing through Jace. He knew it was coming from Alec, though he didn't understand why. He was sure he'd seen his brother disappear through the back of the Hunter's Moon with Magnus earlier, and if the surge of happiness he'd felt off Alec's side of the bond and the distinct lack of their presence the rest of the evening was anything to go by, he'd seen correctly. Jace was glad to see the two of them back together and to feel that constant, unhidable spark of joy emanating from Alec.

 

 

They were more in love than ever seemed possible, and everyone could see it. Their time apart had left Alec absolutely miserable, regardless of how short a time it had been. But now they were back together, and Jace couldn't be happier for his brother. Happiness and. . . other things had been radiating off of Alec all night, but now, Jace tossed and turned after waking up to pain, confusion, and sadness on the other end of the bond. Jace let out a deep breath before throwing back the covers and swinging his legs off the side of his bed as he sat up.

 

 

If the night kept going like this, neither him nor Alec were going to get any sort of sleep tonight. He really didn't want to go to the middle of Brooklyn to bang on Magnus' door this late into the night, but this was Alec. So he would. Magnus could threaten to turn him into a frog for bugging him tomorrow, after he'd made sure his brother was okay. So Jace lazily threw on the first pair of jeans he could find, an old t-shirt that he wasn't entirely sure didn't belong to Alec, and his leather jacket.

 

 

The New York air was chill, just low enough that Jsce could see his breath. It didn't take him long to remember where to go; they'd gone running to Magnus' apartment for help often enough that he practically had the route to the Brooklyn neighborhood memorized. His only distraction was the ever mixing waves of emotion that it seemed Alec wasn't even trying to hide. He could still feel the overwhelming joy of Alec being with Magnus, but it was dulled by the turmoil. At this point, Jace wasn't entirely sure that it was just coming from Alec's end of the bond.

 

 

Finally, Jace reached the front door of the loft- thankfully, he hadn't needed to buzz in like the other apartments; Magnus had his wards set to automatically let in anyone they recognized as friend or client. As he stood in front of the big black doors, the turmoil, worry, and pain intensified. Yet, Jace also felt his strange feeling of calm washing over him. Jace knocked on the door softly enough that he wouldn't wake Magnus but his already awake brother would still hear it.

 

 

Sure enough, a minute later, Alec opened the door looking exhausted and disheveled. He wore a pair of sweatpants and a barely zipped hoodie that most definitely did not belong to him. Judging by Alec's mused hair and bruise along his neck, Jace guessed they were both recent additions to Alec's clothing. Under normal circumstances, Jace would have smirked and made a joke but now simply looked on his brother with worry.

 

 

"Jace? What are you doing here?"

 

 

"Alec, what's wrong?" Jace whispered, ignoring his brother's question.

 

 

Alec almost looked as though he was going to shake his head, proclaiming it nothing, but after a moment's hesitation and thought, he sighed. He jerked his head towards the inside of the loft, and Jace took it as the cue it was to walk in, closing the door softly behind him.

 

 

"Let's go out on the balcony so we don't wake Magnus," Alec whispered, receiving a nod from Jace in response.

 

 

The apartment was dark, practically pitch black in the dead of the night, and if Jace hadn't been here before and wasn't a Shadowhunter, he was sure he'd be tripping and falling over everything. Still, he took note of the ease at which Alec moved about the apartment, expertly navigating his way to the balcony doors. The both stood against the stone rail, looking out onto the city. Jace could see the chill getting to Alec, but neither of them said anything.

 

 

After maybe two minutes more, Jace broke the silence, "Alec, you know you've never been able to properly lie to me, so you might as well just tell me what's wrong. Did something happen with Magnus?"

 

 

Alec shook his head slowly as he stared out into the skyline.

 

 

"No, Magnus and I are. . ." a smile smile formed on his face, "We're perfect."

 

 

"So what is it?"

 

 

Now Alec frowned.

 

 

"You- I'm not, I don't- Jace, you were. . ."

 

 

Alec huffed, seemingly frustrated at his own inability to find the words he was looking for. Jace would have waited patiently, but it seemed Alec had given up on words. Rather, the elder Shadowhunter pushed off the stone rail and unzipped his sweatshirt, pushing it off to the side. Jace's eyes widened at what Alec was clearly trying to show him. The parabatai rune that Jace was so so familiar with was glowing a pale golden yellow, and the skin around it looked red and irritated.

 

 

"Yeah, it's been doing weird things all night. It's been glowing, fading, and sometimes it just. . . Jace, it _hurts._ Like when it was first put on, that weird burn."

 

 

Jace let out a shaky breath, unzipping his own jacket and pulling up his shirt. He was both shocked and now unsurprised to see his own rune glowing the same color as Alec's. He wondered how on earth he'd missed that earlier.

 

 

"What. . . what's wrong with them?" Jace asked weakly. He could feel Alec's stare boring into his skull.

 

 

"You tell me, Jace."

 

 

Jace looked at him, eyebrow raised, though he was pretty sure he knew what was coming. "What do you mean?"

 

 

Alec glared at him, looking sad.

 

 

"My rune _disappeared_ tonight, Jace. I felt it, I watched it fade. I've never felt pain like that. I felt you die, Jace. . . I felt you die."

 

 

His voice broke as he repeated the words. He looked devastated. At the look written across his brother's face, Jace felt his resolve breaking, the bond filling both of them with pure sadness and pain. Alec turned away from him with a sniffle. Everything in Jace's body was telling him to come clean to Alec. To tell him what Valentine had done and what Clary had done in response. His entire body screamed at him that Alec was someone he should never be keeping a secret from.

 

 

But this was something that he _couldn't_ tell Alec. To keep both Clary and Alec safe, it was better that he never knew. No one but him and Clary could know about the Wish. So he stood, silently, watching Alec try to hide the tears falling, and not knowing what to do. He couldn't imagine losing Alec. It was his worst nightmare. The loss of your parabatai was said to be the worst pain a Shadowhunter could go through.

 

 

And he had put Alec through that.

 

 

Jace slowly raised a hand, letting it come to rest on Alec's abdomen, right over the glowing rune. After a moment, Alec matched the movement. The simple touch had been an anchor for them since they'd been bonded. It was their assurance that they were together, okay, _alive._ Their souls were intertwined through this rune, and no matter whether they were fighting, in battle, hurt, or simply near each other, this touch helped calm and stable their bond.

 

 

As they touched, Jace could feel both in himself and Alec how their bodies physically relaxed and their minds filled with calm. It was the same calm Jace had felt earlier, when he'd arrived at the loft. At this moment, he understood. The turmoil and pain they'd felt was their bond, their souls, calling out to each other. Jace dying for that short period of time had seperated the bond, and confused it when it came back. To suddenly be reinstated without explaination, the bond needed to reconnect, reform, and simply be together.

 

 

The calm Jace had felt and was feeling now was the bond relaxing, finally getting what it wanted. He and Alec were together, bringing their souls back to each other. Jace hated that he'd put their bond through this. Again. Lately, he'd allowed himself to be much more distant from Alec than he'd ever intended.

 

 

Alec finally looked at him again, silent tears flowing freely down his face. Jace reached up, brushing Alec's messy curls off his forehead with his free hand. His hand came to rest against the back of Alec's neck and he leaned forward so their foreheads touched. They stood there, simply breathing as the power of their bond flowed from their runes to their hands and into each other.

 

 

Eventually, Alec spoke, barely loud enough for Jace to hear, saying, "You were gone, Jace. I know you were. Whether you ever tell me what happened or not, I know. And I. . . I can't ever go through that again. It hurt so much. I wanted to cry and scream but I couldn't because we had to get to Clary. I couldn't even. . . An entire part of my soul _died,_ and. . ."

 

 

In the next moment, Jace had both his arms around his brother, hugging him tightly. He could feel his own tears falling as he squeezed his eyes shut and held onto Alec. His brothers arms were around him too almost as soon as Jace had wrapped him in the hug. The quiet sob that Alec let out was like thunder in Jace's ear, shaking him to his core. Filled with pain and relief, it was a sound he never wanted to hear again.

 

 

"I'm sorry, Alec. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

 

 

Jace repeated the words over and over. It was all he could say without releasing the whole truth of the Wish. He knew Alec would read into it as the proof that he was right about Jace dying, no matter that even tonight, Jace would never admit it. When both their tears had subsided, they pulled out of the hug.

 

 

Jace glanced down as they did, then quickly said, "Alec, look."

 

 

Craning his neck to look down at the rune, Alec smiled. It had stopped glowing and now was back to its solid black, etched on Alec's skin. The skin no longer looked irritated and red around it.

 

 

"That's the first time it's looked completely normal since the lake," Alec said.

 

 

Jace pulled up his shirt once again to look at his own, which was also back to it's normal color. They smiled at each other, but before they could do anything else, a new voice joined them.

 

 

"Alexander? Darling, what are you- oh. Hello, Jace."

 

 

They both turned to where Magnus stood in the balcony doorway, wrapped in a silk blue robe and looking tired. Jace nodded at him in greeting. Magnus seemed to take them in for a moment, no doubt making note of their tear stained cheeks. He smiled softly at the both of them.

 

 

"It's cold out here. Why don't you both come inside, and I'll make some tea."

 

 

Jace started to shake his head, saying, "I should probably go," but Magnus waved him off.

 

 

"That's ridiculous, Jace. You're already here, and there's no point in heading all the way back to the Institute when I can just portal you both in the morning. The guest room is always set up." Magnus took them in once again, smiling sadly this time. "Besides, I think it's better for you both if you stay close."

 

 

Jace smiled his gratefulness- Magnus was right, he really didn't want to be away from Alec- and Alec pressed a kiss to his boyfriend's cheek as they all walked inside, taking Magnus up on his offer for tea.


End file.
